I know I promised months ago to start writing again. But that was me still coming down from the high of hitting 50k words in November.
I will be the first to say it, but I am by far my own worst enemy. A few years ago I never would have admitted that. I wanted to find reasons anywhere but within me for why I couldn't do things. Needless to say I never found those reasons outside of me. The real world does give occasional legitimate setbacks, but never does it give an outright denial of possibilities.
Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite modern authors, said it perfectly. There are three steps to killing your dreams:
1) The lack of time. We always say we will do what we truly want to when we have the time. We allow the mundane tasks of the world to rule over the ones that give us passion. Instead, we should try to find a balance because there is never enough time. That's what NaNoWriMo is all about...making the time.
2) Being too certain. This does not mean being certain in what you can do, but being certain in what you can't. In my case this means being certain that I'll never finish a novel. That the task is too daunting. And that if I ever do finish it, being certain I'll never finish editing. And that I'll never find an agent. And that I'll never get published. And that no one will ever read it. How do I know any of that if I don't try?
3) Being at peace with the routine. We accept the world for the simplicities, never try for more, never ask for more. In some ways I do love the routine. This routine is something I have grown up wanting in many ways, I'm not about to work against it now. But to be truly at peace we must renounce our dreams, and as Paulo says it, eventually those dead dreams that are still within you begin to eat away at your soul. I can't let that happen. I know what those dreams feel like. I know what those dreams could be. That means I cannot allow myself to be completely at peace. Because if I do, that will mean I have castaway my dreams. I know the unrest of chasing after something, and sometimes the disturbance is more beautiful than the peace.
Yours Truly,
Mrs. C
P.S. By the way...I wrote 656 words today. I'm back.
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Thank heavens that you are back. It is good to read your writing again.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it appears that sticking to something really can work, for I have signed a publishing deal for the Book of Drachma, as a three volume set, rather than a single, big (200K+ words) entity.
Anyway, I'm just telling you this as my way of encouraging you, for I think that you do have the makings of a very fine writer.
Q, I'm so happy to see you on the blog again! (Not that we've exactly lost contact or anything, lol!)
ReplyDeleteWonderful points you make here, and great examples of how we are indeed our own worst enemies. I'm supposed to be editing Weeping Willow right now, but I've used many of those excuses over and over lately. It's a good reminder for me to get my act together!
And I agree with Drachma here, you do indeed have the makings of a fine writer :)
Bekah
@Drachma -- Congratulations! That's wonderful news!! I'll be watching your blog for updates as the news unfolds. =)
ReplyDelete@Tea -- Congrats on your editing! (Since I know you got some done after you posted this.) I would love the chance to read your work once you have it in a condition you feel comfortable with me reading. =)
And @ both of you? Thanks for the praise. You guys were my "gold stars" this week.