Today began in much the same mood of the last two. It's week two and I'm feeling dismal, my inner editor raging at me for the awful work I'm sure I'm producing. Somehow it didn't seem worth it. I'm falling behind every day. Is this really what I wanted this journey to be?
But then I realized something. The middle of the journey is the hardest. It is easy to set off to achieve your goal. It is easy to rejoice when the goal has been reached. But when the days are longer, the excitement has worn down, and the goal seems farther away than when you began...that's when the true adventurer emerges. Or doesn't. Am I a true adventurer? I want to be, so I persevere on.
It was an exceptionally difficult day of writing, but not just due to my word count. This was my first day of emotionally difficult writing, and I know there are more to come in the future.
Today I cried. I apologized out loud to one of my characters as he held the spirit of his dead sister. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I wish I could fix it. I wish I could help you. But I can't and you know that. I want to reach out and touch you. I want to assure you it will be alright. But I can't and you know that too. Still, she can, if you let her. I'm sorry, Chalem. I'm sorry for what must happen. Please forgive me."
Then I cried some more.
Words Today: 1050
Total Words: 14227
Yours Truly,
Mrs. C
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I can relate, both to what you're sensing about the "middle" of the work being the hardest, and, to a large extent, the least rewarding, and also to how you relate to your own characters.
ReplyDeleteI just completed the middle section of my novel, and it was an uphill battle, but now it is done, and the third and final section is left, which will be much easier, and more rewarding to write.
And as to dealing with your characters' emotional baggage. They may be just fictional characters, but you've created them, and so you love them, and feel their loves, hates and losses.