Just Sit Down and Write

At last...I found a new template for the blog that I like and has no random black boxes hanging out in annoying places or difficult html hiding around the corner just waiting to cause me trouble. I think this is what I'm going with for awhile. What do you guys think?

There will still be lots of little updates. I plan on updating my profile, reorganizing tags (so they aren't so haphazard), and more behind the scenes work. But for you readers the biggest change is the general look and that's finally done.

Moving on.....I figured it was time I get back to blogging about writing, something I haven't done this past week, but that's beside the point. (haha)

I have a question for you...

What is it that makes you sit down and write? I'm not talking about your inspiration for a story right now, but instead what makes you physically stop with work and chores and other life 'duties' just for the sake of writing. What makes you pick up that pen or grab that keyboard? What makes you willing to stop doubting yourself long enough to actually write the next word in the grand adventure that your soul lives everyday?

I think a lot of us struggle with this, and I am very much a part of that group. There is always something I can think of that I should be doing instead of scribbling. Especially since publication and a career are still only distant dreams. Time itself can be very discouraging.

I have a very bad habit of sitting down to write, but only giving myself five or ten minutes to actually start writing. Then if nothing comes I abandon the endeavour and go back to whatever I was doing before. Let me just tell you this is a terrible terrible idea. And people who write for a living will tell you the same thing even more adamantly.

Nanowrimo actually taught me the value of sitting down to write, even when you feel no inspiration. This is a lesson I already knew, but one I had not lived. (And I don't know about you guys, but more often than not I have to discover for myself what I already know before I truly believe it.)

I read back through my posts on my first Nano experience over the weekend. It was fascinating to me to read my own highs and lows, something that seems like a blur now. And what was even more fascinating to me? I don't remember the lows, but I remember the highs. And I definitely had more lows than highs. Days I didn't write, days I barely wrote, days I wrestled with characters behaving badly, days I doubted myself... But I don't really remember any of them. I just remember the handful of days that took me on an amazing adventure. Days that surprised me. Days that proved this story is infinitely bigger than I ever will be. Those are the days I remember.

Some of those days I sat for an hour or more, staring at a page with nothing on it, feeling like the few words I eked out where written in blood and sweat. But some of those words were the best parts of the plot. I have to be patient. We all have to be patient. No matter how much we bubble over inside with our stories, we have to be patient with writing them. We have to tend them, care for them, feed their inspiration, nurse them when they're ill-written or they'll never be the pride and joy of ours that we imagine them to be.

So back to the question for you. What makes you stop everything and step back into the world you know is begging to be written?

For me: the soundtrack to Pan's Labyrinth. Such beauty, such delicate grandeur...if I turn it on I refuse to stop staring at my blank page of writing until the soundtrack ends. For the next hour and fifteen minutes I am transported to my world. I may come out victorious; or I may come out beaten and bare, dragging my broken mind away to the infirmary for rehabiliation. But no matter what, I spent and hour and fifteen minutes in my world. Living it, breathing it, and existing in an ever-present state of awe. And at the end of the day, isn't that what we strive for more than fame? More than money?

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Updates

As you guys have noticed by the new layout, I'm in the process of updating this site. I threw it together in a very basic format when I first started, but now it's time to clean it up and make it look much better. Things may look funny at times during the process because to be honest....I have no idea what I'm doing. lol If you notice a link not working or something looking odd, please let me know. For now at least I am currently aware of the gaping black box to your right....hopefully I can figure out how to fill that soon. =)

Also, I'm still looking for suggestions:
1) I need suggestions on how you'd like the site to look, especially if you are a blogger yourself. I need help! I've updated the layout, though it needs tweaks. I've been told to set up a profile and bubble too. (Bubble in this context is a new word to me, but I'm learning.) Any other ideas, let me know! I want to try to get this blog out there more.

2) I still would be interested in receiving more suggestions on what YOU as the readers want to read. So far I have one suggestion: talk about the process of writing more, both what works for me and doesn't, what goes well and what falls short. That's a subject I can easily delve into. haha
Any other subjects you want to read??

As always, thank you for all of your help. Hopefully I can get this looking better in the next week or two and find out more about what you want, then get back to posting about writing! =)

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

A Question to My Readers

Now that NaNoWriMo is over (at least for a few more months), I'm curious about something. As my readers, what would YOU like me to post about? Obviously as I've said before I'll continue posting my progress on the novel, but are there certain things you'd like to see? Questions you'd like to ask? Let me know!

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

"The Happiness Project"

I can't even remember where I heard about this book by Gretchen Rubin, but I'm already in love with it and I've only read the intro and first chapter. I probably love it so much because (at least so far) it sounds so much like me!

The book is about Gretchen deciding that while she is happy with her life, she could be much happier, and her journey throughout one year to increase her happiness. She tackles a different resolution each month (and they build on each other too, when she gets to February she still has to keep up with January). January's task was to boost energy.

She talks about how she's a gold star type of person. This means that without praise or a way of rewarding herself she tends to not get much done. Sound like someone else we know? (Me.) But it's funny how she describes her gold stars, because they're just like ones I give myself.

1) When she decided to exercise more and found out for good health a person should walk 10,000 steps a day, she bought a pedometer. And the very fact she was wearing a pedometer made her walk more. Because she was getting the "gold star" of seeing the number of steps she took. (I did this very same thing last fall, until my pedometer broke. I should get another. It would be good for me.)

2) She has clutter and it drives her crazy but she can never seem to get rid of it or take care of it properly. My husband and I moved into our new apartment last June. We still haven't completely moved in. Yes all the clothes are put away, electronics nestled where they should be, furniture arranged. But then there's the Iron Man action figure, the box of old Alfred Hitchcock mystery magazines, the box of freebies (that we'll technically use but have no need for until we go on vacation or something)....random things strewn about that we're keeping, but what on earth do I do with them? There's no drawer just for things like that, no special box or corner, so they've ended up deposited where they first landed. I also have the terrible habit of not wanting to hang things on the walls and vacuum and such til all the clutter is taken care of. Then I can never get the clutter taken care of. (Though I am proud of myself. I went through a LOT of our things a few weeks ago and got rid of two bags of clothing and about four bags of trash that I have no idea why I'd left around.) Anyway, it's a vicious cycle. And like Gretchen if I can manage to really clean and organize one closet or one drawer or one corner I'm instantly thinking "Hooray! Mark that off the list!" I'm a mess with messes. Really I am.

3) She puts off tasks that she doesn't want to do FOREVER. Including an email that took her less than one minute to type and send. I am exactly the same way. Let's not get into that one. It circles back into the cleaning issue.

4) She will make extensive lists. CRAZY extensive lists down to points most people wouldn't even think of. And she will purposely write down things that only take five minutes to complete, something most people would never put on a list of projects, just for the pure joy of marking it off. I do this at work. Half the stuff I write down on my weekly list are things I do not need to remind myself to do. But I write them down just because I feel better KNOWING there will be things I can cross off. (This is especially helpful when a lot of my job involves waiting on other people to call me back, to fax me paperwork, to email me information...and several tasks I can never complete on my end until the other people do their work first. Meaning I'm helpless to wait for them.) If I can mark 50% of my list off at the end of each week I am happy. That means it was a good and productive week. Silly, I know. My household list actually tells me to "pick up the hallway". The only thing in the hallway was laundry so my husband asked me why I'd even bothered to list it. The reason? I know I can mark that off in two minutes. He just laughed at me and shook his head.

So why am I rambling about all of this? Because it all goes back to Nano and my novel I suppose. Especially the first point. I would stay up writing more in November just to see my word count go up, just like I'd take extra steps just to see my pedometer smile at me. Then November ended and there was no race for word count and frankly I have no bloody idea what my final word count would be so there's no goal there either. But this "happiness project" made me realize that while I need to be better about some things (like cleaning) to increase my already relatively happy life, writing is also a HUGE part of my happiness. So I have to make time for it. Whether there is a gold star waiting for me each day or not.

I won't keep a constant word count on here like I did during Nano. I'm sure you'll hear from me when I reach certain milestones and I'll continue to blog about the journey of writing. But I have written on 3 separate occasions this month. Not very much each time, but the act of sitting and writing feels good again. (There's my little update on writing this time amidst the other rambling.)

Take from this what you will, but it was all on my mind so I figured I would share.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Overcoming the Path That Kills Dreams

I know I promised months ago to start writing again. But that was me still coming down from the high of hitting 50k words in November.

I will be the first to say it, but I am by far my own worst enemy. A few years ago I never would have admitted that. I wanted to find reasons anywhere but within me for why I couldn't do things. Needless to say I never found those reasons outside of me. The real world does give occasional legitimate setbacks, but never does it give an outright denial of possibilities.

Paulo Coelho, one of my favorite modern authors, said it perfectly. There are three steps to killing your dreams:

1) The lack of time. We always say we will do what we truly want to when we have the time. We allow the mundane tasks of the world to rule over the ones that give us passion. Instead, we should try to find a balance because there is never enough time. That's what NaNoWriMo is all about...making the time.

2) Being too certain. This does not mean being certain in what you can do, but being certain in what you can't. In my case this means being certain that I'll never finish a novel. That the task is too daunting. And that if I ever do finish it, being certain I'll never finish editing. And that I'll never find an agent. And that I'll never get published. And that no one will ever read it. How do I know any of that if I don't try?

3) Being at peace with the routine. We accept the world for the simplicities, never try for more, never ask for more. In some ways I do love the routine. This routine is something I have grown up wanting in many ways, I'm not about to work against it now. But to be truly at peace we must renounce our dreams, and as Paulo says it, eventually those dead dreams that are still within you begin to eat away at your soul. I can't let that happen. I know what those dreams feel like. I know what those dreams could be. That means I cannot allow myself to be completely at peace. Because if I do, that will mean I have castaway my dreams. I know the unrest of chasing after something, and sometimes the disturbance is more beautiful than the peace.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

P.S. By the way...I wrote 656 words today. I'm back.