Still Here...I Promise

I know, I know. I've dropped off the face of the internet since the end of November. Sorry about that. By the time NaNo was over I had household chores that had piled up all month long to do, Christmas shopping to finish, lots of other Christmas festivities and chores, not to mention working full time still. I was a little bit busy. And no, I have not written more or even looked at my story since November 29th when I celebrated my 50k victory. Have I given up? Absolutely not. I feel daunted by the task ahead, but liberated by the new knowledge that yes, I can actually do this. I wrote 50k words, 100 pages, in 29 days. I have not run out of story to tell, my characters are just beginning to really become themselves and take on this journey, and they will NEVER let me sleep or rest until I finish their story, whatever it takes. I'm sure it will be a slower pace for me now and it's going to be a bit harder without my amazing Wrimos to cheer on and cheer me on, but that race is over until next year and I'm back in the real world. It's on my shoulders to follow my dream, no one else's, and if I want it bad enough I won't give up. Now I just have to dig down into myself to find the rest of the words... Sometime in the next week I will start writing again, and I promise to let you know when I do!

Day 2-9

OH. MY. GOD.

I DID IT. I FREAKING DID IT.

I HIT 50,000 WORDS TONIGHT (50,016 to be exact.)

I came home, ready to power through it, and power through it I did. I can barely begin to explain the excitement coursing through my veins right now. I did what I didn't think I could. I wrote 50,000 words in 29 days. I got back into the habit of writing, so much so that it feels completely natural to me now. I even left off at a wicked awesome cliffhanger. And I can't wait to finish the story that I've only barely begun to tell.

At last, it has begun.

Words Today: 3912
Total Words: 50016

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

P.S. Since I am far from being done and this blog is after all not just about NaNoWriMo, but my quest to be published as well, I will continue updating. Not necessarily daily or even every other day. Look for closer to weekly updates, but I promise faithful readers, I won't leave you hanging!!

Days Twenty-Seven & Twenty-Eight

Day 27:

Another day where I felt as though every word I put on the page I was bleeding out. Nothing wanted to come easily to me, but I'm getting used to the fact that those are days I just need to conquer. It's getting a little bit easier to push past the tough times, but they call it tough for a reason. Still, the day was not a failure by any means, so I'll take what I can get.

Day 28:

My last write-in! Or at least the last one I was attending in person this year. I'm truly going to miss them and the company I get every weekend too. Those people have meant everything to me this November and have spurred me on when I felt lowest. To Critic, Taeth, Imp, Kalira, Teffy, Jovo, Psiber, Dimi, and more...THANK YOU! You made today a wonderful ending to a brilliant month. I can't wait to see all of you one last time for the TGIO party next weekend.
As far as word count goes, I really made progress today. I'm closing in on the magic number of 50k!!! My goal is still to win tomorrow. I think I can do it. I'm going to try really really hard for it! I have to write almost 4k words in one day which so far I've only done once. We'll see how it goes....
I AM excited about one thing. I finally finished up writing a patch of the story that was just a bit slower, a bit less interesting to write. It was necessary though. Prepare for an awesome day (a day in the story, not in real life) full of all sorts of action, revelations, and dare I say it? Death. It's going to be a big day. Now it's time to find out if my characters are ready for it.

Words Day 27: 1814
Words Day 28: 2282
Total Words: 46104

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Days Twenty-Four -- Twenty-Six

Day 24:

Today was alright. I was very excited to have a virtual write-in with not only my fellow local wrimos, but also the ones of another region. Unfortunately I was not impressed with some people in the new region, several of us weren't actually, and I retreated back into the virtual arms of the people I know. And got more work done there than I would have done otherwise. I actually got a rather impressive amount of work done! And yes, I did order my winner's shirt. I'm close enough that I know I can, and will, win.

Day 25:

Thanksgiving! That means I didn't write. I spent my time with my husband and my parents instead and at last enjoyed the new Harry Potter movie. I thought it was exceptionally well done and I look forward to the 8th and final installment next summer.

Day 26:

Crunch time. There's only 5 days left of Nano. WOW. Time has flown! I can barely believe that I've written as much as I have. I can barely believe that I've done this for 26 days (well 24 if you count the two I missed). It's starting to feel like normal life to me. And I can barely believe that my story is really just beginning. I've written thousands of words, more than I've ever dedicated to any story, and the real story has yet to take off. If only my characters knew what was in store for them. If only I knew what was in store for them. All I know is that it will be exciting. And I'm excited to write it. I had another virtual write-in tonight and despite not feeling well I was quite pleased once again with the amount of work I got done. I want to finish on the 29th so I can not stress on the 30th. Do you think I can do it? Good, because I do too.

Day 24: 3265
Day 25: 0
Day 26: 2217
Total Words: 42008

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Twenty-Three

Today I wasn't up to my peachy-keen best, but I wasn't about to let a second day go by with no writing getting done. It wasn't an excessively productive day, but I'm determined to finish NaNoWriMo with my 50k goal. I'm too close not to. In fact...I'm going to order my winner's shirt tomorrow so that I have to finish. That will put the pressure on myself not to give up. But for now, I knocked out another thousand words. So close. I'm so, so close.

Words Today: 1062
Total Words: 36526

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Twenty-Two

Alas, I am a bit ashamed to say that on day twenty-two....I did nothing. 21 days of straight writing, then nothing. It wasn't for lack of creativity or writer's block, but because it was Thanksgiving shopping day for my mom as well as stock up our pantry day for me and my husband (it was getting low) and I was at WalMart with my mom for a good almost 3 hours. At least we had fun going out to eat and shopping, even if we were both moving exceedingly slow. (She has a broken foot, I have a bad knee.) By the time I got home I had just enough energy to thoroughly clean out the freezer (our ice machine had gone a bit crazy for awhile) and restock it, then it was time for bath and bed. I'm crossing my fingers for making tonight a productive one! There's only 8 days of Nano left and I'm less than 15k from winning. It may come down to not sleeping, but I refuse to not win!

Days Eighteen -- Twenty-One

I know. I'm really really behind with blogging. Lately by the time I stop writing at night my fingers hurt too much to sit and type anything else that does not count towards my story. Besides, there hasn't been much to tell anyway.

Day 18 -- A very slow day. I wrote down just a tiny bit at work, then it was my nephew's birthday and I spent the evening with family. I came home and typed only what I'd handwritten earlier and called it a day. I was beyond exhausted. I needed sleep.

Day 19 -- Woke up feeling much more rested! Sleep was definitely a good option. Had an excellent night virtually attending the write-in and wrote a total I was extremely pleased with. I did some serious catching up for the amount of words I was falling behind on again. Plus write-ins are something I have come to love and treasure. I have no idea what I'm going to do when they go away.

Day 20 -- NONE of us felt like writing. I spent many many hours in the chat room talking about Nano and countless other things, but we definitely weren't writing. We ran a few 10- and 15-minute sprints at odd intervals throughout the day and that's the only time I got my word count in. I was impressed with the day's work considering I spent so little time on it. Hey, I think I'm finally starting to get used to writing. Sometimes it still really hurts my mind to think, it definitely is starting to hurt my hands to type, but even when I get stuck I still feel ready to sit down and try to sort it out. Even on the bad days when I can hardly crank out 400 words, I'm excited about it. Those words took me somewhere. Somewhere that hadn't existed yet until I wrote them. And the next day will continue the journey. Oh my goodness, what will it bring?! I'm only on the first leg of this very long, guaranteed to be very-trying journey, but I'm finally beginning to feel like a traveler and not a weekend-vacationer. Nano has already provided me what I wanted and more. And I still have 10 more days (officially) to go.

Day 21 -- Went to the write-in at the library today and shared countless rounds of excellent laughs that brought us to near tears. I really do love these people. All of them. They have made my life so much fun and brought so much excitement, enlightenment, and encouragement that I can never thank them for it all. We're almost to the end of Nano. I can see it! I can feel it! I can do it!


Words Day 18: 482
Words Day 19: 3226
Words Day 20: 3263
Words Day 21: 1426
Total Words: 35464

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Days Sixteen & Seventeen

Combo post! I was too tired to do it last night and far too busy at work this morning to do it then, so we're just going to combine two days into one post.

Day 16 = NONE of us wanted to do anything. We all sat in chat all night trying to motivate ourselves, randomly issuing sprints and BoDs. It helped a little, but the creativity just wasn't there. I guess after having as incredible of a night as I did (and a lot of us did) on Monday, Tuesday was just due to be a bit of a bum. It happens.

Day 17 = Bum night number 2! At least on Day 16 I met my daily goal. Tonight I just felt utterly burnt out. I suppose it happens and writing really does come in waves. However I sense an exciting weekend ahead and I think I'll be able to write a lot. Personal goal? Hit 35k by Sunday night. (That's also where I should be to be on track.)

Words Day 16: 1695
Words Day 17: 348
Total Words: 27067

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Fifteen

I'm just going to say that right now I am totally rocking the words. Work kept me just busy enough yesterday that I was never truly busy, but I never had the time to pick up my spiral and write either. Kind of an in-between day. Still, for a Monday it was quite pleasant and I've had Mondays that were much much worse!

Then there were a few errands to run and a project at home to complete. I didn't even sit down at my computer and open my word document until 8:30. At that point I was just hoping to hit 1 of my 3 goals which were:

1) My minimum daily wordcount for a total of 22691 words
2) Passing the ML's halfway point challenge (doubling my daily average words) for a total of 23828 words
3) Catching up to being on track for a total of 25000 words

The first box of doom we started (thank goodness for write-ins, even ones I attend virtually) brought me almost to my first goal. It also gave me a new personal record for box of doom, 1103/1069 words in 30 minutes. It ended just in time because I ran into a point that was very important. I was about to explain things that would effect the entire outcome of the story, and I had no idea how it all worked. The character who was supposed to be explaining it to my main character was being very tight-lipped about it even to me. This was a problem and I had less than 30 minutes to figure it out before the next box of doom began.

So I sat and thought. I tried explaining it out loud in her voice. I tried envisioning the amulet's spell. I tried to place myself in the position of the gods. (Just for reference's sake, that one is very difficult to do.) And finally, just in time, it all came to me. And I do mean just in time. We were drawing word counts for the next BoD.

The second BoD went by in yet another flurry of activity, still furiously working on the same pivotal scene. I saw my first goal and I passed it successfully, my brain running at full steam. I started to get the joyful feeling that nothing was going to stop me tonight as I wrote more than 1000 more words, exceeding my BoD requirement of 950. We all took another break and I ran off to take a shower and put on my pj's. I'd already sat at one computer all day in work clothes, I wasn't about to sit at another all night doing the same. Once again, I returned just as they were getting ready to draw for our third and final BoD. 750 words this time. My reaction to that was "That's all?" I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've ever felt that way about writing 750 words in 30 minutes.

Time was called and off I went again, wrapping up one and charging into another very pivotal scene. Last night was all about getting this story rolling, explaining to the characters the direness of the situation that was brewing, and preparing to embark on the adventure that is looming ever closer in their future. It's exciting, let me tell you. Have you ever read a book, a real page turner where you felt like you couldn't read fast enough? That was last night, only I was limited by how fast I could write. It was a whirlwind and after the rash of insanity I experienced during it I have come to one conclusion: Having a week of bum days and stress of not meeting word counts and worry about not knowing where your story is going is entirely worth one single night of that pure joy of excitement and love of characters and plot. Completely worth it.

The third BoD took me up to and past my second goal of the night and I finished just over 24k words. Oh this wouldn't do at all. My eyes were starting to feel heavy and I knew I needed to sleep soon, but I had powered through 1k extra words the night before when I was unhappy stopping at 20k, right? Then again, I had only barely written my 1667 wordcount at that point. Still, I refused to settle for 24k. If I'd gotten stuck at 23k I probably would have called it a night, but the precious 25k halfway point that I was supposed to be at wasn't even 1000 words away! I could finally stop being behind! And with that I powered through, even with no BoD, even as all of my writing guild signed off of chat one by one. My support system was gone and it was just me and my charcters. I could do this. (And since I set not one, but two people on fire, it was quite enjoyable.) I could do this, right?

Words Today: 4000
Total Words: 25024

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Fourteen

Again I'm blogging this the morning after, but I was just too tired last night to blog then. Boy was it a day, but boy was it a good one. I even managed to not completely ignore my husband! I keep telling him I feel bad neglecting him so much since it seems like I'm either working or trying to write (with occasional moments of "I should really clean up a bit around here..."), but he reminds me every day that this is my dream and that if I give up now I probably won't go back. I have to write. I can't even begin to describe how amazing and also how incredibly essential having the support of someone like that is in this endeavor. I couldn't do it without him. I would never push myself far enough. He told me yesterday that the majority of Wrimos don't win NaNoWriMo and that a big majority of the winners aren't first timers. He reminded me that if I fall behind and don't hit the 50k by November 30th, that I was still chasing my dream and that was what was important. There was no shame in not winning NaNoWriMo. It just made me want to win even more.

So I went to the write-in yesterday excited to actually get something done. I knew I would write at least something there and hopefully it would be enough that when I came home I could go over my 1667 words so I can try to play catchup, as I feel I'm always doing now. I was at a spot where I sort of knew what was coming up, but once again just wasn't feeling the transition. My crazy guild of writers came to the rescue once again. They fed me homemade cookies, made me laugh until I almost cried, made my hopes and dreams soar even more, got me out of a very awkward spot in my novel and did so with the perfect explanations so that my writing still flowed, and forced me into the box of doom twice which I successfully emerged from both times. I was handwriting so they decided that since I write fairly small, 2 pages was a good challenge for me. They'd been watching me write and knew I'd have to write almost nonstop for 30 minutes to successfully achieve that. I wrote just a tiny bit more than 2 both times, then add that up with the other sporadic writing I did and it knocked me over 20k! But was I happy with that? Absolutely not. 20k was exciting and I bought the NaNoWriMo shirt I've been wanting to celebrate it, but I'm supposed to be at 25k tonight if I'm going to get back on track. So 20k wasn't good enough. No. I pushed until I hit 21k. What a rush! Oh my goodness, I'm feeling the story run through me right now like the blood in my veins and I hope it doesn't stop. I can't wait to start writing tonight.

My characters are now truly becoming people in their own right. I got not one, but two surprises from characters yesterday. One got surprisingly darker, and not in magic but mood. I wasn't really expecting it, but looking back I'm so very very glad that he did. It added a whole knew element to the story and made some of the upcoming scenes more plausible. Another character got a bit more harsh in her ways, but it was a necessary character aspect that needed to develop. She's carrying quite the weight of responsibility on her shoulders and she needs to be a take-action sort of character. But my poor main character? He's still finding himself. No longer wondering aloud all the time about it, but still doing it just in his actions. Maybe that is a theme of the story, one that is developing that I never intended to be there? I could see it fitting though. Something I look forward to playing with in my second draft (under the hope that I ever get there).

Do I think I can hit 25k tonight? No. Not saying I won't try, but I do have a few things at home that I must take care of that can no longer wait and must be done today. It will cut into my writing time by probably at least a couple of hours. I want to hit 23k. If I can do that, I will be tolerably content with myself. 23.5k is the real goal though, because that will allow me to play enough catchup that I will be able to officially catchup by tomorrow or Wednesday. That is, if I can keep up this speed.

Words Today: 2743
Total Words: 21024

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Thirteen

Just a quick note since I didn't write yesterday. I wrote a very measly 274 words in about 15 minutes when I had the time to sit down in between cleaning and getting a slew of other chores done. Alas, I didn't write more later and I didn't finish the chores either. But I had a good reason! My 'brother' (a friend, but we're more like siblings than friends) just came home from Afghanistan and my family was spending time with him. It was an excellent night of good food, fun games, and great company, but a terrible terrible night for my word count. I'm now even farther behind than ever! Still, while panic is rising I'm not giving myself into it just yet. I'm 2 hours away from going to a write-in today, one that will hopefully significantly boost my word count. Wish me luck!!

Words Today: 274
Total Words: 18281

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Twelve

NaNoWriMo is becoming a ridiculous roller coaster of ups and downs. Some moments I'm begging the teenager at the switchboard to turn it off, but he's chewing gum and his ear phones are blaring and he doesn't even notice me. Other moments I'm screaming "FASTER FASTER!" as the roller coaster gets ever more exciting and breathtaking. Sometimes it makes my head spin.

I attended a write-in virtually again tonight, and boy I don't think I could have written much tonight if I hadn't. I failed miserably on my first box of doom challenge, barely writing one third of what I was supposed to achieve. (I wrote 579/1400 words in 30 minutes.) But the second box of doom challenge I surpassed, creating a new personal record! (1068/900 words in 30 minutes.) GO ME!

Anyway I once again achieved my goal of 1667 today and went over it as well, which means I caught up just a tiny bit more for the days earlier this week that cost me dearly. As one of our beloved MLs told us tonight, "Novel-writing is not for wusses." She's absolutely right about it too. Novel writing is definitely not for wusses.

Words Today: 1941
Total Words: 18007

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Eleven

Oh my...the double digits! I suppose yesterday began the double digits, but I was too wrapped up in character drama to notice.

Today seemed much easier. I suppose I got over my Week Twos halfway through the week and just in time. I'm still behind where I need to be, but every day that I can write more than my required 1667 gets me just a little bit closer to making up for the words I haven't written yet. Oh my...lots of catchup to do! But I didn't want to waste it all today so I purposely stopped at a point where a lot can happen. It will make me excited to pick it up tomorrow and give me some time to think over exactly where the story is going next. At last, I'm excited again!

Words Today: 1839
Total Words: 16066

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Ten

Today began in much the same mood of the last two. It's week two and I'm feeling dismal, my inner editor raging at me for the awful work I'm sure I'm producing. Somehow it didn't seem worth it. I'm falling behind every day. Is this really what I wanted this journey to be?

But then I realized something. The middle of the journey is the hardest. It is easy to set off to achieve your goal. It is easy to rejoice when the goal has been reached. But when the days are longer, the excitement has worn down, and the goal seems farther away than when you began...that's when the true adventurer emerges. Or doesn't. Am I a true adventurer? I want to be, so I persevere on.

It was an exceptionally difficult day of writing, but not just due to my word count. This was my first day of emotionally difficult writing, and I know there are more to come in the future.

Today I cried. I apologized out loud to one of my characters as he held the spirit of his dead sister. "I'm so sorry," I said. "I wish I could fix it. I wish I could help you. But I can't and you know that. I want to reach out and touch you. I want to assure you it will be alright. But I can't and you know that too. Still, she can, if you let her. I'm sorry, Chalem. I'm sorry for what must happen. Please forgive me."

Then I cried some more.

Words Today: 1050
Total Words: 14227

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Nine

Woke up with a headache which turned into the worst migraine I think I've ever had today. Still, made myself write just a little tonight. Tomorrow I think I'm going to lock myself away from the world once I get home from work and try to do some serious catch up! Wish me luck...

Words Today: 530
Total Words: 13177

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Eight

Tonight was not the best of nights, but still I had to write at least a little, and write a very little I did.


Words Today: 641
Total Words: 12647

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Seven

Today was a truly beautiful day of ups and downs and ultimate triumph.

It started off with a trip to my first official write-in. I got there around 1:30 and no one was really working. We all talked about how the first week had treated us, what goals we wanted to reach, what our characters were doing behind our backs...even about the one insane person in our region that has already 'won' Nano by hitting over 50k words. (And he's still writing.) In fact, we did very little in the way of writing until around 3:00 when it was time for a box of doom challenge. I drew 800 words this time, something I probably could have achieved had I not been handwriting everything. There was no way. I did make 539 words in that sprint though, so I was quite proud for the circumstances. Then at 4:00 it was time for another one, but this time I took a dare rather than a word count challenge since my hand was trying to cramp up. I don't think it's adjusted to the writing lifestyle yet.

I got home around 5:30 after getting hamburgers for my hubby and I. Then it was back to the writing block for me. Now the funny thing was I'm at an extremely important scene. At the write-in I wrote the beginning of the scene during the first BoD. Then I wrote the end of the scene during the second BoD when the dare I drew worked perfectly for that part of the scene and not where I'd left off. So I came home thinking, "Great! I've already written the beginning and I've already written the end. This is going to be easy!" It totally was not easy. In fact, I panicked a little trying to figure out the massive load of logistics that go into the art of dueling in my world.

Here comes the guild to the rescue! (The guild is what I've decided to informally call my regional writing group. I feel like we're a bunch of online entities that only meet up once and awhile but still talk to each other all the time....which then makes me think of my husband and some of his World of Warcraft friends. Just go with it.) They seriously saved the day. They asked what my problem was, what was going on, and then began throwing out tons of suggestions from worlds they'd already encountered in film, tv, and books. Then they altered their suggestions and began creating their own based on my comments I gave. And they helped me right up until I understood just how to write it all. Hooray! It was a bit of a struggle still, but I knew just how to get there at last.

Now, don't even get me started on the discussion we had about each of our weird writing tics. Mine are...special.

My two favorite quotes of the day from the write-in:
1) "I believe it is essential for children to have low self-esteem."
2) "Do people in comas count as an inanimate object?"

Now while you ponder those two things, good night my friends. Tomorrow is another day.

Words Today: 1915
Total Words: 12006

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Six

Writing is hard work!! I'm pretty sure that was my mantra today. I got to my word count goal for the day, but the words just didn't seem to come very easily.

I'd like to take a moment right now and give all of my currently-introduced main characters a talking to.

Kevan: What are you doing? No really, what are you doing? You're confusing even me and I'm the one writing you. If only you would have told me all of this when we started this journey, I could have made your path here a lot easier. Get it together already.
Rekani: You just weren't satisfied with your current role, were you? I do agree with you however. I think you fit better into the role you've assumed now. But please, don't get too overpowered. Keep the personality, but don't become a master of your skills. I quite like you the way you are and I think readers will too. I don't want to have to start cutting your scenes just because you want to be too important.
Chalem: You're only just showing up, but I think you're being an even better dark hero than I'd imagined you as. Good work! You're the only character not behaving badly so far, but I'm sure your time will come.

But on that note...I think I've left off at quite the exciting scene just in time for tomorrow's write-in!

Words Today: 1752
Total Words: 10091

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Five

The day five entry is coming the morning of day six. Sorry about that! But I stayed up until just before midnight last night working on writing and didn't feel like anything except going to bed when I was done.

Day four was not the best of writing days, but I knew it would probably happen at least once. (In all honesty, it will probably happen a lot more than that.) I'm just proud of myself for getting something down on the page that day.

Day five started out very hectic at work, which may have worked to my advantage on the Nano front. I was so wrapped up all day in work that I didn't think about my novel at all. Then I came home and had dinner to make and at the rate the day was going I wasn't sure if I was going to get much of anything done. Hubby came home and after dinner he played FableIII for me. I'm awful at games but love watching them, so he's agreed to only play that one when I'm around. Means I have to give a little of my time to him there or he'd never finish! (haha) But right about 9 o'clock I decided I should at least try writing. After all, I only had 3 hours left in the day to make any sort of word count and I would have been very upset with myself today if I didn't have at least a couple of hundred words added.

Last night was the first of the Friday night write-ins my regional group is holding. I don't feel comfortable enough with my driving skills to drive out to the location it's being held out and it's at night no less, and my night vision really isn't the best so I don't like being around unfamiliar areas if I'm driving in the dark. But our wonderful MLs created a chat room that all the regional Wrimos can log into at any time during November, and last night I used it to virtually attend the write-in. I showed up just as they were getting ready to start a Box of Doom challenge too!

A moment here to explain. The Box of Doom is supposed to be a device to get writer's who are stuck back to writing. You draw a number and the number you draw is the number of words you are supposed to write in the time limit given. The point is not to think long and hard about what you're writing, but simply to bang out your word count. This often can result in utter crap, but this is November and that doesn't matter. Your word count does. You can fix or delete the crap in December.

Now I had never done a BoD challenge before. I was a little nervous, especially since I'd come from a 369-word day just the day before. I just knew I'd get something silly like 500 words and I'd panic and fail miserably. (Time limits aren't always my friend.) But as it turns out I have quite the competitive Nano spirit and the BoD was the best possible thing to get me writing. I had just opened my manuscript when one of the MLs drew my number. 950 words in 30 minutes. I had about 10 seconds of "You just asked me to create HOW MANY WORDS RIGHT NOW???" and then suddenly a burst of "950 words? Oh you're so mine..." just like I was hunting some elusive creature and knew I'd catch it in the end. And it turns out that I did! 961 words in 30 minutes. Talk about being proud of myself. Not only did it boost my word count, but it got me in the mood and I was able to finish ahead of schedule last night so that I caught up with my cumulative total and made up for day four.

Now it's day six and finally the weekend, but with the weekend comes so many chores I have neglected all week. Tune back in later tonight to see what I manage to create today! And maybe, if I start getting some comments or more followers, I might post a few little excerpts every so often. :)

Words Today: 1903
Total Words: 8339

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Four

Today was the worst day so far. It was not a successful day; not even close to one. I don't think my brain has hurt so much in a long time. No, it isn't a headache, but an actual full feeling in my brain of this pressure that seems to be stopping all but its life-giving functions. My imagination is still feeding me the story, but my brain has the words on lockdown and absolutely refuses to give them up. I know. I've tried. So I've decided to let it sleep. I was a little ahead and am now a little behind, but I'm not worried about catching up. I figure I'll try to write at least a normal day tomorrow, then hit it hard on Saturday and Sunday. It's only day four, right? I'm not worried yet. Besides, I still wrote at least a little which is what really matters.


Words Today: 369
Total Words: 6433

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Three

Today I realized two things:

1) I'm beginning to remember how much I love writing. Even the parts where I just want to bang my head into a wall because it all feels pointless. Yes my friend, even those.

2) I've developed a terrible habit of being brilliant at work, full of words brimming to the edge of the teacup and spilling into the saucer which then overflows onto my desk and soaks the insurance applications and my checklists and drowns my computer before sweeping up my chair and carrying me off on a sea of text. But at work I'm supposed to...you know...work. So little if any writing gets done, and what does happen is only a few lines jotted down here and there. Then I get home and......nothing. Thus this has developed into a situation I am not fond of.

So for the third day in a row this has been my trend.

But new trends are also beginning. Such as my lead character developing a whole new personality. Had I met this guy 7 years ago when I first had this idea I wouldn't have recognized him. My Kevan, have you changed! Mostly for the better. Though right now he's in some random "searching for myself" mode that I don't quite understand but he insists on being in. Here's hoping he snaps out of that soon. And Rekani? She's a spunky little thing, but I don't think she's really decided how she wants to approach the situation. Then again, what 15-year-old girl have you ever met that knew what she wanted?

But I'm sticking it out. Working hard. Hardly working sometimes too. (Like now, whenever I update my blog.) My word goal for tonight was to reach a cumulative total of 5,000. It was a personal goal, but also the minimum "requirement" goal from Nano's website if you go by their daily counter. But tonight I tried a different approach. I run on Word 2007 and it likes to give me a convenient (and constant) reminder of how many words I currently have in my document. And because it is on the screen at all times, I am checking it every three seconds. Not very conducive to good work. So tonight I covered it up and just wrote until I was tired for the night. To my pleasant surprise I once again both met and exceeded my goal. Good night everyone. =)

Words Today: 2430
Total Words: 6064

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day Two

I began my day by reading the first NaNo pep talk. I giggled and read it aloud in a grand voice.  Just because I could.
"As a writer, I am the master of my domain. I'm the boss; the most magical genie; the lord and ruler of every character, creature, and event in the world of my creation. It's a pretty awesome feeling, having all that power." --Lindsey (She's the NaNoWriMo program director.)

I like the idea of this power, but then I'm just not sure what to do with it. I guess November is also an exercise in how to be a ruler, both of yourself and of that which you create. Still, the best piece of Lindsey's advice is this: "Don't forsake your kingdom if it starts to seem silly or pointless, or you have no idea what your next order ought to be." Right now that's exactly where I'm at.

While I was at work and not comfortably seated at my writing computer today I kept having random words come to me. So I jotted them down as I found the time in between projects. Just a few here and there. This was a good thing, because where I left off last night I was quite stuck. It meant I'd slept off my writer's block. Then I got home, typed up what I'd handwritten, and quickly finished up that scene. Excellent, tonight might be easier than last night.

WRONG.

I'm staring at my computer blankly again, wondering what the heck to do. So I started writing this. I will be back when I finish staring at my screen to wrap up this post....Please put on some intermission music in the meantime.

Finally...I met my quota (even exceeded it a little!) for the night. Someone told me on Sunday that if you get stuck and need your word count, start a lively conversation. To whoever told me that, thank you for that brilliant advice. :)

Words Today: 1956
Total Words: 3634

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Day One

So today didn't really start off in the best possible way. I couldn't sleep last night, then when I did my dreams were full of nightmares. I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast. Then I still made it to work late because I lost my keys. Work was alright, nothing spectacular, yet nothing spectacular was expected so no disappointments there. Then came a mass of errands: drop off rented movies, take back books to the library, recycle, go to the store (staples such as bread and milk are good to have), etc. It's a wonder I made it home with any sanity left. Not to mention I am significantly preoccupied with the mess of my home and trying to catch up, something I have yet to do and something that is definitely not easy to do during November. Oh dear. What have I gotten myself into?

But then I did get home and I had to start writing. I banged out 590 words like it was nothing. Hooray! Great start! 30 minutes in front of the keyboard and I'm 1% of the way there. Feeling strong! But now what? I can't rightfully introduce most of the other characters yet (my story is told in first person and everyone is still fairly scattered about), but something has to happen.

Can I just say the internet is a horrible horrible invention when it comes to distractions? I start researching what kind of trees grow near ocean climates, only to end up reading fellow Wrimos' blogs. Then I decided I don't need to know what kind of trees grow near ocean climates yet. I only need to say "tree" and move on. Editing is for December, right? At least that's what they keep telling me.

I think the beginning is the hardest. I have so many of these fantastic scenes in my head, but they're all at random points throughout the story and none of them are at the beginning. How do you begin anyway? Readers are so judgmental these days. If you don't grab them right away, you've lost them for good. Oh my. Let's get this story rolling.

Words Today: 1678
Total Words: 1678

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Merry Samhain and Blessed Be

It's October 31st, a day which comes with two feelings: 1) Hooray! It's finally here!! 2) Wait, how did it get here so fast? EEP! In other words, it means I'm both excited and terrified about the journey I'm getting ready to set out on.

Ironic that today is Samhain, a time of new beginnings as well. It's the Celtic new year, a time to shake off the old year, look back on who you are and have become, and prepare for the new challenges ahead. What's ironic about this holiday that occurs the same time every year? It shows up the day before the biggest, scariest challenge I've taken on in years. Writing 50,000 words is not a scary task. Daunting, definitely, but not so much scary. What's scary is conquering myself. I have a severe lack of belief in myself, something that always magnifies in incredible ways when you're starting off on a track leading you to something you've always dreamed of. I'm scared of shaking off the old me, but then again that's exactly what Samhain is about.

I went to the pre-kickoff party today. (The kickoff party is late at night and with work in the morning, it just wasn't the best idea for me.) It was refreshing to meet so many people in the area that I suddenly had so much in common with. We're a hodge-podge of randomness, regular people with irregular hobbies (for most of us it seemed that way anyway). I can't wait to spend more time with all of you at the write-ins and the TGIO party in December. More on those later.

Tomorrow begins the journey. Tomorrow I try to begin the path of conquering my fears of myself. Tomorrow I take the first steps in the direction of my dreams. Thank you for following me, for cheering me on. I need all of you, both now and all the way up to the very end. (And the end is not just the end of NaNoWriMo, the end is publication....then hopefully many more publications after the first!)

See you tomorrow.

2 hours 5 minutes and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

I think I...well, no...wait...really? Hmm...

If I've learned anything recently it's that I have no idea what exactly it is that I want. I have general ideas: I want to get out of debt, I want to do NaNoWriMo, I want to stop feeling stressed at work by silly little things, I want to finally get my home "moved in". But the truth is I don't know the how or the why of any of that. Such is life I suppose, but I am a complete and total scatterbrain at times. What does this mean? It means I've changed my mind again. You should probably be used to it by now.

Do you remember that post earlier this month saying I wasn't going to do a word count? Well I've decided I will. It's too tempting. It will be my triumph or my downfall, but I've got to know! I'm still going to do a lot of long-hand writing, especially at write-ins, but I'll be doing my best to type it up each night and report with a word count. This sounds like very little sleep. I suppose I should rest up this weekend and prepare to re-adopt my high school lifestyle of sleeplessness.

What I DO know is that I want this week to hurry up. I'm ready to write!

4 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Like Waiting for Christmas

I'm very proud of myself, I actually did what I said I was going to this time! Last night I sat and worked on the outline. I typed up a few headlines for scenes I've always known about, then while I was sitting and staring at my page knowing I needed LOTS of filler and couldn't just write a few main scenes it all just started coming to me. Town names, people, histories... Certainly not everything, not even close, but far more than I'd imagined thus far and let me tell you, the feeling of excitment was like Christmas Eve and being six years old all over again. (I'm so looking forward to meeting our local group to be around people that understand the same feeling.)

But while we're waiting for NaNo to start, here are a few videos for your enjoyment. The first is barely over a minute and quite adorable. It also explains NaNo to people who have no idea what I'm talking about.

NaNoWriMo

Now for the second one. A song, brilliantly written. I haven't even done NaNo yet and I know it perfectly describes it already. Go listen!

The NaNoWriMo Song

Tell me what you think. =)

11 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

"One Page Per Day"

A friend inadvertently introduced me to this website and I am now thrilled that he did.
http://www.onepageperday.com/

Here's a perfect example: In my last post I said I was going to start an outline. I was. It was already rolling around in my head, stirring up probablities when work and dishes and laundry and watching past episodes of Bones got in the way. So...it didn't happen. But then I heard about One Page Per Day. A website that simply asks, "What if you wrote one page per day?" What if? OH WOW, the possibilities there. So I didn't think about it, I just signed in. It now sends me a "gentle reminder" in my email letting me know there is a single blank page sitting there, waiting to be filled. No more, but no less either. And seeing as how NaNo is not here yet and I am technically not allowed to start writing til November 1st, what on earth do I fill up my one page with today? Why an outline of course. What else is there?

12 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Thinking Outside the Outlines

I never work with an outline, and as a result when I'm not writing a structured academic essay my writing tends to wander nomadically from place to place, sometimes with little to no explanation. (This, I'm told, is not good for readers!) So for NaNo I'm going to try an outline. Not one of those ferociously guarded boxed-in doctrines my professors always told me about. Those are the very bane of creativity and I shudder when those bulleted lists begin forming in my mind. No, not one of those. More of a...suggestion we'll call it. A list of places and major events in the order I know they occur. Simply a reminder of the direction the story is going, so that as I fill in all the blank spaces I'll remember the ultimate goals of the characters. I'm sure it will be altered time and time again, but especially if I'm going on this 50,000 word, one month long spree of insanity I best at least know what road I'm on, even if my map doesn't mark all of the roadside attractions along the way.

For my fellow creative writers out there, have you ever worked off on outline? What was your experience (for better or worse)?

18 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Dreams Point Me Home

Saturday night I was plagued with nightmares. All night. All bloody night. I may as well have stayed up watching horror movies and never went to sleep at all. But after last night I've begun to think my body and mind was cleansing itself and shaking out all the nasty skeletons it could find in the closet. (Or at least a very good lot of them.) Because last night I dreamt....my story. Not exactly in the way I mean to write it, but near enough that I knew the people even though I called them by different names, and I knew the places even though they weren't what my dream self expected, and I knew precisely what was going on, like I'd always been there, always lived there. I went home.

Paulo Coelho said today, "Don't forget to pay attention to the omens that are guiding you to your dreams." It seems the omens are my dreams right now, which works quite well for me. How else will I ever be with my characters?

My husband also told me a few days ago, "Just make sure you know how to get back out of the rabbit hole." It's so easy to say I will. But sometimes I just don't know...

21 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Old Friend, New Journey

I'm really starting to feel it, that bubbling geyser of excitement just begging to be let loose. In the meantime, I'm giving it a little pre-NaNo workout. Working on a poem at the moment. One I've been meaning to write for a long time and just now do I feel ready to write it. So much is happening "just now". Maybe I was supposed to wait for this all along? I wish I could harness this energy the way Captain Shakespeare harnesses lightning. If I figure out how, I'll let all of you know.

But even better, I've been talking more with an old friend lately. We used to bounce story ideas off each other and trade bits of writing all the way back in middle school. Times changed and we changed and we each took off in our own direction, but over the past couple of months we've been talking a bit more here and a bit more there. Skip to yesterday when I emailed her with a request. She's a graphic artist and I asked if she'd work on some sketches of characters in her spare time and she jumped on the idea. But what I think is even better than the artistic help she's providing, is the developmental help. Some things to me are as clear as if they were real and I was there. Some things I just never think about and I need to learn to think about if I'm going to write them. So I sent her two brief character synopses yesterday and she wrote back a few hours later with loads of questions. So many of them I'd never thought of! But now that they're out there, I'm forced to think about them. (This is a very very good thing.)

At last, everything seems to be coming together.

24 days and counting...

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

All You Local Crazies

That's right. I've gotten dragged back into November's devilish plan of masochism. (Making me write til my fingers fall off.) I'd decided once again that it wasn't for me. That I was going to start working on writing again, but I was not going to NaNo. Not yet. Maybe next year. Think Again.

My local crazies (as I have lovingly begun to call the other people in my area taking on this adventure) have suddenly become a very active group. At least 2-3 write-ins scheduled per week, 2 kick-off parties, and who knows what else. How can I turn this down? The very thing I struggle with the most is motivation and now I have several people who will be getting together week after week for the sake of writing. I need somebody sitting next to me, doing the same thing I'm doing, who can beat me over the head with a notebook (the paper version, not the electronic) if they find me too distracted. I need this. Ask and ye shall receive.

So here we go again. I have made four promises to myself for this plan of insanity:
1) I will write long-hand the first time around. The computer offers me far too many distractions so I need to take it out of the equation. I sense a trip to stock up on spirals in the near future.
2) I will use the computer only to copy my work (for word count purposes), blogging, emails, and maybe the occasional facebook status update. I will otherwise be MIA from both internet and non-internet computer activities..
3) I will not word count until the final day has ended. I will try to keep up with transcribing from my long-hand to a word document -- this I will do when my brain is dead from actively writing new material -- but I will not look at the word count. Not for 30 days.
4) I will blog daily. Even if it's just a few sentences, I will blog about the day, about the journey. Since I will not be checking word count until December 1st, I will give you a rating from 1-5 on how the day went in regards to NaNo.
          1 = I wrote nothing new.
          2 = I wrote minimally. (Less than 5 pages)
          3 = I wrote averagely. (5 - 10 pages)
          4 = I wrote well. (10 - 15 pages)
          5 = I lived my writing.
Keep in mind those page estimates are long-hand. I will count a single page as both sides of the paper, not a single side. And no worries, I don't have large handwriting. I hope to average a 3 (that's why it's called average) but I know I'm probably going to start the month off with 1's and 2's. I'm out of habit and it's going to take some mind power and dedication on my part to get back into it.

So there you have it. I apparently enjoy mental pain and torture.

28 days and counting.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Lover

This post is more about life than writing, but part of writing is life.

I've been reading Eat Pray Love. I've made it through Italy, I've made it through India, and our dear Liz has just arrived in Bali. I cheated a bit and saw the movie a few nights ago with another friend who has finished the book. I say cheated, but it's really only made me more excited to keep reading.

No, I am not trying to be the next Elizabeth Gilbert nor will I ever try. I am not her, cannot be her, and do not want to be her. I want to be me. But her story, her wit, and her insight are both touching and enlightening and has me thinking even deeper about myself and my own plans than I have been in months. It's time to evaluate ME.

Where am I? Let's begin by defining me in the way she first did. With nouns. I am a newlywed. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am a college graduate. I work in an office.

That wasn't so hard. But that's not me. That's WHAT I am, not WHO I am. That part is much more elusive.

Let's start with my job. I like to think of the movie (and book) Stardust here. When Yvaine tells Tristan that there are shopboys and there are boys who work in shops for the time being, and that he is not a shopboy. I work in an office; I am not an office worker. It's a temporary moment in my life. It is not my career. It is not my calling. But it is what I need to do for the moment. (Always in the moment.) Where do I want to go? Where am I going? I don't know yet.

Now for my school. I am a college graduate, but a graduate of a two-year college. This brings instant disdain and disappointment from so many. What most don't realize is that I graduated with five degrees. In some ways, I have more education than many four-year graduates. I was fascinated by so much that I couldn't stop my hunger for knowledge. So I learned. Then my last semester came in May and I was tired. Tired in the way that the circus elephant tries to escape the circus. I am the elephant. School is the circus. I'd been tamed for too long and needed the wild. I'd never been in the wild before. I was swooped up into the circus at a very young age. Could I make it in the wild? I don't know. I'm still finding out.

Here's the funny thing. The thing that confuses almost everyone. I like the wild better than the circus. I've done my time in the circus and if I ever long for it again, then I will run back as fast as my elephant legs can take me. So many people sit through the circus day after day, performing the same tricks over and over, because the tamed audience of society tells them that's where they should be. The audience doesn't like the wild; they only like it when the wild is contained. I am tired of being contained. For a few years it suited me quite well. Gave me a thirst for the untainted oceans, a desire for the deepset forests on the fringes of the city the audience will not leave. The problem lies therein that the thirst and desire I acquired is supposed to be focused on what can be seen and discovered from within my tamed city. Perhaps the temptation was too heady, too deliciously alluring, but society's taming made me untamed. I'm on the run. And the audience is frightened. Can she make it? Will she make it? Why won't she just come back where it's safe and easy and controlled? We created this for her. We built this for her. She has a place here. Why is she running from it? Why is she running to a place that may forever reject her?

This leads into the nouns of being a sister and daughter. Those two nouns require responsibility, and lots of it. Most of that responsibility is welcome, part of the joys of having and being a part of a family. Yet that family develops certain expectations. Those expectations are in place because they only want the best for you, but when you realize their "best" and your "best" are not the same, it gets complicated. And back into the circus we go. I have moments of missing the circus. Memories of applause and good trainers. But then the lights dim, the audience goes home, and I see the stale peanuts being fed and rejected to the floor. I smell the stench of the lies of illusion. The trainers have become snappish and insistant; it's absurd to ever believe even for a moment that perhaps the animal knows more or could know more than its master. Oh the circus. Never what it seems.

So who to disappoint? Your family or yourself? And how do you learn to be happy with your decision regardless? You need you. You'll always need you. You'll always have you. You cannot go anywhere without you. So who must be content first? You. Out of compassion and respect we want to make the others close to us happy with us as well. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes it does not. But where is your control in another person's mind? Maybe they're another elephant, blinded by the beautiful lights of the circus and the promises of fame. Maybe they're the audience, certain that you are in the best place you could be. Maybe they're the trainer, delighting in control. You can only be and have to be you.

Now to being a newlywed. A wife. A loaded word in a battle of modern feminism. A wife should have her career. She should stand up to her husband. She should be his equal, if not better. She should be superwoman. This elephant never believed any of that. If the audience cheers for this and boos for tradition, then so be it. But this elephant is the wife that wants to look up to her husband. The wife who supports her husband when he both needs and wants it. The wife who cooks, cleans, and takes pride in her home. The wife who respects the corporate cog, but chooses her happiness in the garden. This elephant obviously never listened well to her audience and trainers.

Instead she found a husband more supportive and loving than any of her trainers and audiences. He never saw the lights. He never saw the illusions. He saw the elephant, trapped in a ring, both brave and frightened, and looking for the courage to run. He stole the key and opened the gates.

Ahhh....happiness.

So why is this post titled "Lover"?

Because we should all be lovers. We needn't be lovers in terms of sex. A lover is someone who is passionate, full of aching desire to wrap themselves in life, in history, in the moment.

I want to see China and stand on the Great Wall, becoming a lover to the stone and the wind and the ancient voices of longing.

I want to see Japan and clap my hands before a Shinto shrine, becoming a lover to the spirits and the sacred hearts of nature.

I want to see Wales and run through the rolling hills, becoming a lover to the clouds and the grass and the worn streets of ancestors.

I want to have an affair with life. A sordid tabloid affair full of raunchy tales of standing in the rain, falling into leaves, grieving with the moon, walking with the spirits, believing in the unseen, and finding a home in it all.

To want is human, but to desire is divine. We want this car and that purse, this job and that degree, this diamond set in that platinum. We want tangibility. We want to drive that car, wear that purse, bring home the paycheck from that job, frame the paper proclaiming that degree, and dangle our hand in the light to show off the bling of that ring. We want. I want. You want. We're human. We want. But what do we desire? We desire love, contentment, purpose, resolution, excitement, understanding. You cannot touch any of those things just as you shouldn't. The things that mean the most should never be something you can touch. I desired the love of a husband, and while I can touch my husband, his love for me is untouchable. I can feel it, experience it, see glimpses of it, but never reach out and touch it. I want to write a book. But I desire more the companionship of my characters. They guide me, teach me, tease me, love me, hate me, and are me in many ways. The publishing on printed paper is the human want to become tangible. All the quiet moments knowing I am never alone is the desire.

I want to have my affair with life, but I desire more the joy and fulfillment I know are waiting for me. I want to stand on the Great Wall, but I desire to feel the history. I want to stand at a Shinto shrine, but I desire to listen to the spirits. I want to dance on Welsh soil, but I desire to meet my ancestors who are me. To want is human. To desire is to reach within ourselves, beyond ourselves, and towards the neverending thread linking it all.

But to chase this desire, to choose the untamed wild is a human and conscious decision. We are both free of ourselves and trapped within ourselves. The circus traps us, the wild tempts us, and somehow we have to learn to exist within them both. Somehow, we have to put on the show the circus requires, yet not conform ourselves in the process. Somehow, we have to run naked and clean of society into the wild, yet not fall into delirium. Somehow we have to find our divinity, nature's divinity, and the divinity we cannot contemplate, all while keeping a toe on the ground in our affair with life. Somehow...we have to be.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Questions

What do you do when you have one story filling you, yet you know you are not yet ready to pen it? And you have another that has been with you even longer, and know that it's simpler, less complicated, and that in your inexperience you should work on it first. Yet the one you should work on is quiet, never actually leaving you, but sitting on the sidelines nevertheless. And the one you know you are unprepared for, the one you know is a task bigger than even your imagination can grasp is the one screaming in your thoughts? What then?

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Inspiration, Part 2

At last, part two of my post on inspiration. I've been thinking on this one and the answers just don't come quite as easily to me as the music answers did. (Suppose I'm more musically inclined.) Yet here are a few things that came to mind.


MOVIES:
Finding Neverland -- A very sad film in many ways, but there is one precise moment that has always been very striking to me. It's near the beginning of the film and Mrs. Barrie has once again been disapproving of Mr. Barrie. The camera pans back and we see two doors, one to Mr. Barrie's room and one to Mrs. Barrie's room. Mrs. Barrie opens her door first and we see the typical furnishings of the time period peek out from our little window into her world. Just a second later Mr. Barrie opens his door and the most fantastical world lies within. It's not in what you have, it's in your perception of it. He chose to believe in magic and so magic believed in him. These few seconds of the entire film summarizes so much of its meaning.

Sweeney Todd -- I don't have a poetic description of this film and why I love it, I only know that I do. I love the artistry, the characters, the music, the costumes, the story, and every moment beginning to end. Despite so much death, it always fills me with great energy. Perhaps the energy of the dead? "Food" for thought. (haha)

Brick -- This is much less well-known than the prior two films. I was sitting in an art of film class in college, being introduced to all sorts of new films and reacquainting myself with old favorites. Then the final week came. We'd taken our exams, there was nothing left to "study" and yet the school wanted us there one last week. What to do? Why not take a poll of movies to watch, pick one, and use what we'd learned while watching it. Someone suggested "Brick" and all but about three of my classmates hadn't the slightest idea what they were talking about. My teacher hadn't even heard of it. Yet it sounded promising and artsy and she promised to find a copy and bring it for us. I'm so glad she did. This film is difficult to describe, but incredible to watch. It's a mystery/detective film, based in high school with drugs, murder, gangs, love, and misunderstandings. That paints such a negative picture and encourages one to think of an overly bloody or overly campy flick. Both are wrong. It's rare I see such pure artistry in film and while yes, it is high school, "Brick" is nothing of what you'd expect. Watch it. Please.

BOOKS:
Ella Enchannted -- A favorite since childhood. Why? Perhaps because I have so much of Ella in me.

Pride & Prejudice -- I read this in the fourth grade with a dictionary by my side and loved every moment of it. To this day Jane Austen is a favorite author and while her list of works was cut tragically short by her early death, each one is precious. Mansfield Park is another dear favorite.


The Alchemist -- Or really anything by Paulo Coelho. As an author he is probably the one that moves the most. He does not write stories you read through in a rush, he writes stories you want to contemplate for days and weeks to come. Yet it's a calming contemplation. Even his daily blog is calming and enlightening. The man is a spirit on earth who exists on a whole other plane above that which the rest of us does.




There's certainly more than just three entries in each of those categories, but those are some of the most important to me. Now that I've conquered the search for my inspirations, it's time to conquer the next step: meeting my characters for more than just face value. Wish me luck.


Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Inspiration

I've been thinking for the past few days. Where is my inspiration? I've stopped thinking about "lost motivation" and the disinterested feeling that keeps haunting me and I've started focusing on WHAT motivates me. What gives me that chill of excitement to create? What makes me feel like I could conquer anything I could ever wish to? I'm making a list to remind myself in the coming months. So if ever again you hear me say that I'm just not feeling up to the creation process....firmly direct me back here and tell me to go find myself again.


MUSIC:

Kerli "Walking on Air" -- A little-known Estonian gem with a talent for making me feel free from the cages of my own mind. This song of hers is a favorite of mine. Her slight accent that filters through her English makes it all the more enchanting. (I have quite a fondness for accents.) Perhaps she is one of my most important reminders: "Know that you can set your world on fire if you're strong enough to leave your doubts".

VNV Nation "Illusion" -- A very emotional song for me from a German band of which the average American knows nothing. When I'm losing the internal fights with myself, this song is the warm blanket that enshrouds me. It is a sadness and an acceptance of the same. It's the quiet acknowledgment of something that will always be a part of me. Something that allows me to create.

Kerli "Fragile" -- Somewhat on the same lines as VNV Nation's "Illusion", yet rather than being a comfort to me, it's a quiet statement to those who 'know' me. So much of who I am can never show, at least not in this world. This song allows me to reflect on that and reminds me that although no one can ever see and feel what I do, I can embrace it.

Enigma "Beyond the Invisible" -- "I look into the mirror. See myself. I'm over me. I need space for my desires, have to dive into my fantasies. I know as soon as I arrive, everything is possible, because no one has to hide beyond the invisible." It means more than the surface could ever pretend to be. It is the fight, the conquering, the reward, and the farewell. "Will you rise? Just feel and realize it is real and not a dream, I'm in you and you're in me. It is time to break the chains of life. If you follow you will see what's beyond reality."

Muse "Undisclosed Desires" -- An inspiration for my current project. Whenever I'm creating (or sometimes even when I'm not consciously doing so) certain songs will grab me and show me someone, something, or somewhere. It's like a dream you can remember yet know is real. My mind reminds me of the work my imagination does, my heart reminds me to believe. This song I heard on the radio for the first time just two days ago. Instantly I was reintroduced to someone who has long had many secrets to me. He gave up one in these four minutes.

Cirque du Soleil "Ballare" -- Speaking of songs that instantly transport me, none has done so as dramatically as this. It's soft, slow, sensual, demanding, alluring, and enchanting. This song makes me cry, although the Italian lyrics translate to nothing of sadness. I feel the music, I see the dream, and I am no longer myself. Nothing has ever come to me so vivid as the images accompanying this song. (I won't tell you what they are so you may create your own should you choose to listen to the song.) Perhaps the sadness in this is the lingering ache of the realization I can only watch and embrace the world from afar.

The Cruxshadows "Eye of the Storm" -- The lyrics say it all, the perfect motivational speech (at least for me) set to music. "The trials you now are facing, they are not greater than your will, for there is nothing under heaven you cannot overcome. See the door that lies before you and know this too shall pass, the confrontation of your fears and strength drawn from your past. Where the silent voices whisper, 'Find the course that is your own,' and however great the obstacle you will never be alone." It's worth a listen.

The Cruxshadows "Marilyn, My Bitterness" -- For some reason I am not quite certain of this song instills in me a strange sense of excitement. The best way to play it is very, very loud and get lost in the chorus.

The Cruxshadows "Dragonfly" -- Now that I think of it, it's best to listen to these three CXS songs in this order. The first one picks me up and gives me assurance I can do whatever I set my mind to. The second creates a building excitement. The third, "Dragonfly", tells a story and begs for a story to be told in return.

Abney Park "The Wrong Side" -- Everything by Abney Park is an inspiration to me. Their music, Robert's voice, touches me in a way no other band or musician ever has or most likely ever will. "The Wrong Side" is one of the first songs of theirs I connected to and still one of the strongest connections I have several years and albums later. "The Wrong Side" is the me that has never come out to play.

Abney Park "Too Far To Turn Back" -- A much more recent piece by AP that creates a fabulous sense of urgency in every fiber of me. "We're way in over our head it seems, this place is coming apart at the seams." It's true. Starting NaNoWriMo has put me so far in over my head, yet I've come to far too turn back.

Abney Park "Under the Radar" -- Quite simply this song puts me in the mood to tell a story.

Emilie Autumn "Four O'Clock" -- My NaNoWriMo theme song...in a very odd and twisted sort of way. Don't try to make sense of why. It really isn't just for the reference of being up in the middle of the night.

Hans Zimmer "Hummel Gets the Rockets" (from The Rock soundtrack) -- I knew this song for years before I ever knew where it came from. An instrumental that is worthy of inspiring the grandest stories.


There's some of the music for now. I'll tackle my inspirational movies and books next post!

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Service Down

I've had a few people suggest I take some mental time off from writing. I know, a disappointment to those of you just tuning in since this is supposed to be largely about writing. I'll be starting up again soon, but right now the faucet of creativity has been turned off and service discontinued. I will post again soon when service is restored.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Sometimes Life Says "No"

It's been very very busy around here, and sadly not with writing. I have the worst case of "brain fog" ever (among other things) and it's kind of a miracle I make it through work with my head screwed on straight at the moment. Hopefully we can get the cause figured out soon and I'll be squared away to attack the project full-force.

But until then...when life says "no" to what you want to do, when it simply steps in the way and demands to be recognized, what do you tell it? How do you bring motivation and focus out of their hiding places? I'm curious for your ideas.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

First Research = Fail

Well that was inevitable, but exciting while it lasted! The first idea rarely works out to be the one necessary. From what I can tell, schizophrenia is NOT the answer. (haha) I'm still on the hunt for disorders and injuries that could be the culprit of my main character's...condition, but I think I'll let that thought simmer for awhile and move the focus away for a few days.

Ironically this weekend will most likely consist of very little writing. Except thank-you cards. I have a whole host of those to complete. The photographer from our recent wedding finally came through with the box for my final post-wedding task, but before that can happen there's the easter egg hunt that needs to take place for the list my mom wrote while we OPENED all the gifts. Oh dear. I knew we shouldn't have put it in that place we'd never forget where it was.

Still, Mr. C's birthday was yesterday and the party for friends is tomorrow; so between planning that, writing thank you cards, and catching up on all of the housecleaning I didn't do this week, I doubt I'll get much rest in this weekend. Perhaps I need to turn OFF my brain for two days and re-evaluate on Monday.

Merry Weekend everyone.

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

Research: Day 1

I've been thinking about joining NaNoWriMo 2010 for awhile now, so what exactly was it that prompted me to take the leap yesterday? A revelation. I'd forgotten the joy of learning something new about a character. It isn't a process of creation, but a meeting of two people when I think of my characters. I don't create them; they already exist. My subconscious is simply learning about them. Together they shake hands, sit down over a cup of coffee or soda or a cocktail (it depends who I'm talking to) and get to know one another. Sometimes I think I know certain characters rather well, so the joy of learning something new about them is an incredible rush of adrenaline. A surge of renewing energy. It reminds me they're still there, sitting quietly in the shadows, waiting for their story to be told.

There has always been a glitch in one of the main characters of this story. She's been running through my imagination for 9 years, but somehow certain traits of her character never seemed to be realistic. At first I thought maybe I was too young when we first met, and I was only paying attention to the key elements of the story while overlooking the all-important underlying details. But as I learned more about the other characters, she stayed the same, unchanging. Until yesterday. It finally all makes sense.

So...does anybody know of any good resources on schizophrenia?

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C

The Big Leap

I'll be the first to say it: I'm a blogging virgin. Yes, I've used Xanga in my high school years and a tiny bit of LiveJournal to pass the time since, but I've never truly kept up with any type of blog, let alone one with a purpose. This, is my first. And with a little help from others, I think it may help me complete my "quest".

Many of you visiting here are probably wondering just what exactly is the NaNoWriMo Quest. My sister told me many years ago about the NaNoWriMo organization, or National Novel Writer's Month. Perhaps they describe it the best: "Thirty days and nights of literary abandon!" From November 1st-30th members have the goal of writing a novel at a minimum of 50,000 words (or getting at least 50,000 words into the writing of a novel). I've written ever since I was very young and I've always wanted to write at least one novel in my lifetime; NaNoWriMo seemed like an excellent motivator for that. Yet college always got in the way of the unfortuitous timing of November...mid-terms and final papers abound. There was no time to try to write anything more than research papers on the mythology of Shinto and United States' governmental policies. Finally I'm taking a break from school inbetween degrees and I'm putting my mind to it. This year I will write my 50,000 words.

While there are no hard and fast rules to NaNoWriMo, it is suggested that you don't start writing until the strike of 12:01AM on November 1st. Why? If you're already in the process of writing, what's really going to change for you that month? Nothing. So for the next three months I will be working on the plot, outlines, character development, and more, setting up the stage for the production. I will want to start writing. I will want to give in. But if I wait and allow the excitement to brew then perhaps, just perhaps, this can be the motivation I need to do what I've always wanted.

Why am I writing here? I need to be accountable to more than just myself. I need more than just the wordcount update every night in November. I need an invisible army to hold me to this promise, to make this real. So the question is readers, will you stand behind me?

Yours Truly,
Mrs. C